


Something to Die For

by chexmixalot



Category: The Strain (TV), The Strain Trilogy - Guillermo del Toro & Chuck Hogan
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multi, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reader-Insert, Romance, Self-Insert, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-06-05 02:13:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15160175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chexmixalot/pseuds/chexmixalot
Summary: 'These men...These human beings... They are worse than the monsters we were told about when we were children. Worse than the monsters that hunt us down this moment.'





	1. Found

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! I'm finally working on making a longer story for the Strain. This definitely isn't going to be light at first, so please read the tags before diving in! I hope you guys enjoy!

Vasiliy and Dutch found you bound tightly, without clothes. The only thing that covered you were the wounds. Cuts, some deep, and bruises made themselves apparent all over your form. The thick streak of blood that ran down your gagged mouth had dried and your swollen eyes held fear and relief at the sight of your friends. Freedom. Another chance at survival.  
Dutch was the first to rush over to you, Vasiliy quickly following behind. “S-Shit! (Y/n)!” she exclaimed, voice full of panic at the sight. She pulled out her knife and began to cut at the rope that kept your hands and feet bound. Vasiliy removed the unclean cloth from your mouth and took off his coat, preparing to hide your abused form from anyone who might see you, or hasn’t seen you yet.  
“Jesus,” he said, sitting down to look at you, a hand gently reaching up to hold the side of your face and examine the black and blue mark around your eye. “Who did this to you?” His thumb ghosted over the dried blood on your cheek.  
You shook your head slowly, tears cooling your burning cheeks. You felt Dutch cut the last bit of rope that kept your arms behind your back. Your mouth felt raw at the sides and you noticed the rope burns when your eyes moved down to see your newly freed wrists. “(Y/n)?” Dutch asked, her eyes searching yours. “Who did this?” Her voice sounded far away.  
“Was it Eichorst?” Vasiliy added on to the questioning, but even his voice sounded distant to you. “Did he infect you?” You felt his hands move to your neck, examining you. Again, you shook your head.  
“No…” You managed to say, your voice sounding much more hoarse than you expected. Your throat itched from thirst and burned with the need to scream in frustration as you tried to figure out why they sounded so far away from you and yet here they were, staring at you in concern. What was happening? What happened?  
It had only been two days since you were taken by men that Eichorst had hired. In capturing you, Eichorst demanded the whereabouts of the Born and the Professor. When he realized you would not speak, he decided that the only way was to take it from you by a greater force. But he was not going to turn you and simply take your memories, he wanted you to suffer. He would leave you with the beasts he hired, and once your spirit was broken and you told him everything, then he would drain you of your life. And this would be some of his most satisfying work yet. His entire being was made of watching people suffer and enjoying the sight.  
Eichorst left you in that room, tied up with no hope of escaping. And there, you were trapped with those who never hesitated to take advantage of you and beat you when you pleaded for it all to stop. Your screams still echoed in your ears.  
“(Y/n?)” Dutch’s voice brought you back. How many times had she said your name? Were you going insane?  
“How did you find me?” You didn’t know what had happened to lead to this moment.  
Dutch sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Quinlan has been searching for you. We tried to help.” She adjusted Vasiliy’s coat around you. “We ran into Eichorst. He was on his way here. And of course, Quinlan went after him.”  
In that moment, you felt like you were being stuck with needles as you came to the realization that Eichorst was coming back for a reason. How close to death you truly were. “He…He was coming to kill me.” You whispered, feeling your body shaking. You wanted to vomit at the thought.  
Dutch and Vasiliy exchanged glances, both seeming to finally understand the situation at hand and just how terrible everything had been. Or at least Dutch understood a good portion of it. She had also been a victim of Eichorst’s cruelties. “We need to go.” Vasiliy firmly said, lifting you up to carry in his arms. Dutch led the way.  
You closed your eyes and focused on the sound of Dutch slashing at any stray strigoi that they crossed paths with. Then, almost as if it was fate, you heard the sound of men crying out in pain and…fear? They were trying to escape. Trying to escape their punishment. But Quinlan had them on their knees. Only three of them were left alive, begging for mercy. The same mercy you had begged for when they each took you.  
“He must have lost Eichorst.” Vasiliy observed.  
You, without a moment of thought, pulled yourself from his arms, bare feet quickly touching the ground. You grabbed his hand gun from his pocket and stalked towards the men, completely ignoring Quinlan’s presence beside you and the protests of the other two. You shot each one in the knee cap. Their screams of pain did nothing to block out the lingering sound of your own, locked in your mind. Another three shots, one to each of their stomachs. Suddenly, you were pulling the trigger of an empty gun.  
Feeling the hot tears stream, you clenched your teeth and made a sound of aggravation. You threw the gun to the floor, lunging towards one of the men and proceeding to send powerful blows to his face with all of your remaining strength. You could feel bones crunch underneath your fists and the blood felt warm on your knuckles. Whether the broken bones belonged to you or this man, you didn’t care. Someone had to pay. And this tiny, pathetic excuse for revenge would have to do, even though it did not console you. It only fed your rage. The strigoi were monsters in their own right, but they had no real choice in their actions. These men…These human beings… They had a choice. They were worse than monsters.  
You felt hands pull you away and you were suddenly in Vasiliy’s arms again. They had to leave. That scream that was in your head was suddenly surrounding everyone. It echoed in the halls they ran through. You screamed and sobbed. And you shrieked more when you realized that you would not be allowed to kill the other two. But you saw Quinlan, remaining in that room, standing before them like an angel of death. And as you felt your fury washing through you, you also felt relief knowing that he would finish what you could not.


	2. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trauma of it all comes flooding back to you... Must you suffer alone this way?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Thank you guys so much for being patient with me on the new chapter. Life has been hectic and I've been meaning to post for a while, but the motivation hasn't been there... TT-TT But thank you so much for all the support! I appreciate you all!  
> This chapter has trigger warnings for rape and violence. Please don't read it if it will be upsetting to you.  
> I hope you guys enjoy!

Time seemed to move ever so slowly as you laid in bed. You couldn’t seem to get comfortable, and honestly, how could you? After everything you had been through. You tossed and turned in the bed, ultimately ending up on your back and staring at the ceiling of the luxurious hotel you and the others were hiding out in. You knew it had to be daylight and yet you still couldn’t bring yourself to sleep or move to get up. All you were left with was darkness, silence (which distant ambulance sirens broke through), and your thoughts…Your memories.  
‘You won’t win.’ You could remember Eichorst saying, a smile pulling his face as he leaned down to stroke your already bruised face. ‘The Jew and your friends are already on the verge of failing. And I will take such pleasure in watching the Master drain the life from every last one of you.’ He had laughed when you began to shake under his touch. Even now, being in the safety of your room, with the others just down the hall, you felt that same fear enter you and you began to shake again. You felt the tears forming and your fists went to the sheets, hoping that this physical grip could give you the strength to get a grip on your mentality. But you couldn’t escape the memories that flashed right before you.  
‘No.’ You had managed to say, your words being muffled by the cloth in your mouth. Eichorst’s eye twitched, but he maintained that sadistic smile. He pulled the cloth from your dry mouth and you felt the words spill from you, feeling the venom in them as you took a stand in this situation where you had no advantage. You were terrified, but if you were going to die, you would not be silent. You would resist until the end. ‘We will kill you. And we will kill the Master. You’re going to be the one that loses and do you know why?’  
Eichorst hummed, clearly finding your sudden courage amusing. ‘I would love to hear it.’ He was so close to you. You could hear the grumble from his throat, becoming more aware of how close to death you were and you tried not to flinch away from him. You had to be strong.  
‘B-Because…’ You felt your fear rising and you thought your words would be trapped in your own throat. ‘Because you lack compassion. You are incapable of feeling love and so you take it from others and you use it against them. You’re weak and that’s why you would use such a low blow method.’  
Eichorst was quiet in that moment. The next thing you knew, or felt rather, was a powerful strike to your jaw. Your body fell back to the floor and you could taste the blood in your mouth, having bitten your tongue when you were hit. Being blinded by tears, your vision blurred when you felt Eichorst on top of you. Somehow, you managed to still see that smile on his lips. ‘I’m afraid that the only weak thing I see is you, little spitfire.’ His breath was on your neck and you felt his nose caress your skin. ‘Lying here before me, pathetically trying to flee from your own demise.’  
Your entire body tensed under him as you waited for your death. You knew that this was your end. But suddenly, he was at the door, adjusting the black tie of his suit. ‘No.’ He mumbled. ‘This is not what I have planned for you. I won’t attempt the same torture that I had in store for Ms. Velders. Instead, I want to make a spectacle of you. And by the end, you’ll be docile and willing to answer my questions. You’ll be pleading for death.’ He left then. Minutes felt like hours and you waited, being unable to imagine what he had in store for you. But then, you didn’t have to. When those men that abducted you came through the door, smirking, with a knowing look in their eyes, you knew that it was hope that abandoned you.  
You could still feel their hands ghosting over you and you quickly sat up in your bed, trying to catch your breath and shut out the memories of what happened then. Your breaths were choppy and it felt like your chest might explode. Where was Quinlan? You needed him and he had yet to return. Dutch was the one to help you bathe and give you soothing words. And even now, having been washed and bandaged up, you still felt unclean. You needed to feel safe again. Standing up, you made your way to the door. But before you could turn the handle, the door opened, Quinlan looking at you in a very brief moment of surprise before his face went back into a frown. He had a few granola bars in the crease of his other arm and a bottle of water. Had he also been scavenging for you as well this entire time?  
“(Y/n)?” He asked quietly, noticing the wetness all over your face from the tears, sweat, and snot. You looked miserable with the swollen bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep and the unstoppable crying. Your face was still injured from your assault, leaving you covered in yellow and blue bruises from head to toe. Quinlan reached for you with his free hand, touching your cheek gently. You froze, knowing that was where Eichorst had touched you as well. Quinlan was not oblivious to this reaction and he moved in to kiss your forehead, closing the door behind him. “You need to rest, little one.” He said, trying to guide you back to bed.  
“Where were you?” You managed to say. You didn’t dare move. You needed him last night when they found you and brought you back. Why wasn’t he there? “You didn’t come back.” Your tone held resentment and you prayed that Quinlan could feel it. Quinlan sat on the bed, he removed the food from his arm and reached out to hold your hand.  
He had no expression on his face, which seemed to only enrage you more. “I fucking needed you!” You now screamed, voice cracking from already being sore. “I needed you and you weren’t there!” What you meant by that, you weren’t sure. He wasn’t there to protect you from those men and he wasn’t there to comfort you in the aftermath. For the first time in weeks, you had felt truly alone. The man you loved, the creature you loved… He wasn’t there to save you that time. Of all times. You had to endure this pain alone. “I still feel them.” You said, you felt pathetic and tried to laugh. “Do you know what it’s like to be fucked against your will by multiple men while begging to die?” Quinlan didn’t look at you. “And then to have all of your friends hovering over you and pitying you because you were too weak to save yourself?”  
Quinlan moved off of the bed, and on to his knees, grasping your hand tightly and putting his forehead against it. “Forgive me, (y/n).” He said. He looked up at you and you saw, for the first time you thought, the despair that hid in his eyes. “For I should have been there… You did not deserve to suffer that cruelty. And you did not suffer it because you were weak.”  
You looked away now, eyes filled with tears that you could not push back. You wanted to be angry with him, but instead your heart felt sadness.  
“Look at me.” He continued. You glanced at him, face contorted in emotional turmoil. “You are not weak. You were never weak. Eichorst tried to snuff out the flame that lives inside of you. The flame might be dulled in this moment, but it will burn brightly again because you are strong…” You remained quiet. “(Y/n),” Quinlan whispered, his arm moving around your waist to pull you closer. You felt something wet on the hand he held to his face. Tears? “Forgive me for not being there when you called out. Forgive me for not saving you from the Master and the darkness he brings with him. Forgive me because I can never forgive myself for what has happened to you.”  
You looked down at him. You were angry, you were hurt, you were traumatized. But in that moment, you wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by Quinlan and forget everything that you had gone through. You wanted his hands to replace the haunting feelings of the hands of monsters. Lowering yourself to his level, you embraced him as tightly as you could. “Don’t leave me alone. Please, Quin.” You sobbed. Perhaps Quinlan would think you were needy, especially to ask such a thing. But you couldn’t be alone. The very thought terrified you. You needed him to feel safe again.  
“I’m here.” He whispered, a hand soothing your hair. “I’m here.”  
You don’t know when you finally slept. But you had done so in Quinlan’s lap on the floor. He was whispering to you the entire time until your eyes finally closed on their own. The screaming in your head had finally disappeared, but you could still hear Eichorst’s voice far off in your head.  
‘You won’t win… Trying to pathetically flee from your own demise…’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. I definitely have more in store for everyone and I can't wait! Again, thank you guys for the support. Take care! More to come!


	3. A Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you try to heal, you spend your day remembering the events that led you to this point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being gone for so long, guys! Back at school and the semester is wild. Here's a little background chapter for you all! Lots of love! You get some good ol' bonding time with Vasiliy.

A week had passed since you had been abducted. A week now that Quinlan followed you wherever you went. You were more than content to be by his side, just as you were when you had first become his most trusted ally. Quinlan had been more accommodating than he had ever been, and while you appreciated his attention and affection, you also began to feel badly for it. Almost as if you were becoming an inconvenience.  
“Quin,” you began, pulling him aside from the group that was surrounding the Professor as he flipped through more of the Lumen. Quinlan quietly walked with you to the hallway and away from any hearing ears. “I think that you should try to get some more rest before sun down.” You continued. You knew that Quinlan had yet to sleep that morning and you knew he would insist on watching over you.  
“I shall rest when I am ready. Unless you wished to join me?” You could almost see the smirk form on his lips had he not quickly concealed it to keep his cool composure. This caused your face to heat up and you crossed your arms.  
“You know, you really are a pervert. Just because you don’t show it, doesn’t mean I can’t see it.” This caused a light chuckle to come from him as he closed the distance between you two, placing a kiss on your head. You hugged him and nuzzled your face into his chest, taking in his smell. Oh, how you loved him. “Really, though. You should sleep…”  
Quinlan tensed slightly before looking down at you. “And you? What will you do?” He was concerned. And it caused a mix of emotions to stir inside of you. “I do not wish to leave you alone.”  
“I’ll be okay, Quin…” You said, and you felt that it was the truth. You had to be because there was no choice. Quinlan could not be with you every moment. But could he let you be without him at this point? “I need to get out of this place. I’ve been inside all week. I really am starting to get cabin fever.”  
“Where are you planning to go?” Quinlan asked, his face hardening as if he was preparing to deny you this leave if you had answered the question wrong. Well, if HE thought the answer was wrong.  
But you shrugged, trying not to look at his stern face. “The park.”  
“And who is going with you?”  
“I don’t know… I could ask Vasiliy, I guess. Or Dutch. Whoever isn’t the busiest to make you happy by coming with me.”  
Quinlan sighed before walking from you towards the main room the group was gathered in. “I will see to it that Mr. Fet is not busy today.” But before he could get too far, you hugged him from behind, holding him tightly.  
“Thank you, Quin… I appreciate you more than you will ever know…” You couldn’t see it, but he was smiling before turning to touch your chin delicately.  
“You need not thank you, little one.” With that, he resumed walking back to the group and whispered into Vasiliy’s ear.  
***  
“So,” Vasiliy sighed as he drank the coffee he managed to brew before heading out with you to a small park that was clearly abandoned. “How did you figure out that you had romantic feelings for Mr. Bitey?”  
You rolled your eyes and let out a slight laugh as you looked down at the dirt. “Wow. You’re so nosey, Vasiliy.”  
Vasiliy let out a booming laugh, shaking his head and shrugging. “Well, I figured since I was threatened to keep an eye on you, I might as well have some kind of entertainment on the job.” You both sat down on a bench, facing a lonesome pond.  
“I don’t know, honestly.” You answered, blushing slightly as you tried to think back to when you came to terms with your feelings. “It was a bit of a weird realization. But I suppose it’s the same thing with you and Dutch.” You saw his eyes widen and his face turn a slight pink at the call out. “I see how you two look at each other still.”  
“I suppose so.” Vasiliy chuckled shyly.  
The two of you stared out at the pond, listening to the breeze hit the leaves. There were no ducks, no birds. Just the breeze and the sound of your heart. You began to wonder to yourself if things would ever go back to normal again. If Eichorst was wrong… That you all would defeat the Master. You stood up and made your way to the edge of the pond.  
“It just kinda happened.” You said. “Trust me, I didn’t plan to fall for grumpy half vampire.” You smiled at your statement, but then frowned. “One that is fated to die in the end… Victorious or not.”  
Vasiliy stood as well and joined you, picking up a smooth rock and rubbed over it with his thumb. “You must be something extremely special for a stickler like Quinlan to be attached to you so much.”  
You shrugged, still staring at the water. “I don’t like to think of it like that. All I’ve ever done for a living was work behind a counter, scanning groceries all day. I barely had any control over my own life, let alone enough influence in the ‘real world.’ In fact, I had none of that. Our meeting was by pure coincidence. His decision to let me fight alongside him was pure luck.”  
“So, how did you two meet then?” Vasiliy looked down at you, still fidgeting with the rock. “I haven’t heard that story yet. I can only imagine it was pretty romantic.” You laughed a bit, turning to lightly punch his strong shoulder. Then you sighed.  
“I came home from work around midnight. This was when the infection was just starting out and no one had an idea what was happening at all.” You kicked some of the dirt at your feet into the water before you. “I still lived with my parents and my mom was sick. A strig had infected her, but obviously we had no idea at the time.  
“I came home, and the place was a mess. As if a natural disaster hit.” You took a deep breath. “I found her in the kitchen, still draining the life from my dad. She was one of those things…And you could tell my dad had tried hard to fight her off. I’m sure that’s why the house was wrecked. At least that’s what I tell myself. He fought hard.  
“My mom, however, was no longer the beautiful woman I admired. I feared her. I really didn’t even hesitate long enough to ask myself what was happening. I just ran. And she chased me. And she would’ve gotten me if Quinlan hadn’t shown up in time. He must’ve been doing rounds or something, looking for the Master. Either way, he saved me. And I remember seeing his face and being so terrified of it. And I was so confused because he didn’t attack me.”  
You scratched your head and looked down at your reflection. “Then he was gone. All I was left with was grief and terror. I only went back home long enough to pack some clothes. I couldn’t stay there, ya know? My dad is somewhere out there right now. But what could I have done? I still didn’t get it.”  
“How did you find Quinlan again?” Vasiliy asked, looking at the reflections in the water with you. He was so kind to you and you smiled at his reflection. It wasn’t a smile of happiness, but rather understanding. He had lost his parents too, you could tell.  
“I went looking for him. I asked around when I could. Asking about any strange sightings of a man that looked like one of those creatures, but didn’t behave like them. I think word just got back to him, because he found me.”

*Flashback*  
“Why do you look for me?” Quinlan asked, behind you suddenly. “Why do you so blindly search for something you know nothing about?”  
You slowly turned to face him. He wore his hood, which hid his face almost perfectly. You also noticed his sword, which stuck up behind his shoulder, “I…I need your help.” You stuttered. You felt intimidated and it smacked you in the face, sending chills through your body.  
“Help? Help with what such things? And why should I give the slightest consideration of doing so for someone such as yourself?”  
You felt your throat close up, unable to speak. But you gulped in the attempt to swallow your fear. “Maybe I should rephrase… I don’t understand what’s happening, I want to stop it… I need your help…Please teach me. Show me how. Let me help you.”  
Quinlan’s eyes were not visible to you, but you could feel them piercing you coldly. “No.” he said, turning away from you. This filled you with panic and you stepped forward.  
“N-No?! That’s it? You won’t help me?”  
“That is what I said.”  
Tears began to swell in your eyes. “That’s not acceptable!” you screamed. “I have nothing left! I have nothing! I’m begging you! Use me as bait if you have to! But please… I just want to stop whatever is happening! And you’re the closest thing I have to understanding this entire damn situation!” You felt somewhat ashamed for begging with this creature. How pathetic you must have looked to him.  
But the creature was silent. Unmoving.  
“F-Fine…” you answered yourself, wiping your eyes. “Sorry. My problem isn’t yours.” You had no idea what you were going to do. He was your last hope to take control of your fate in this quickly decaying world.  
Before you could react, a gun landed at your feet. “If you wish to be of any help to me,” Quinlan said, indifference in his tone. “then you need to learn how to use this.”

*Present*  
“You guilted him.” Vasiliy laughed, patting your shoulder almost as if congratulating you. You punched his shoulder again.  
“No!” you exclaimed. “Not on purpose, anyway. Besides, I didn’t force his hand in the matter. I was prepared to watch him walk away. But he didn’t. he let me follow him and from there, I learned everything I could from him.”  
“But when did you fall in love with him, (Y/n)?” Vasiliy tossed the rock into the air, catching it when it fell. He quietly debated on whether he should throw it into the pond. But he held onto it.  
“I don’t know, Fet!” Your face turned pink. This man was seriously pushing for the details of your love life, but even you were too oblivious to know when it first hit you that you had feelings. You tried to think back, but you couldn’t tell. “I think I just woke up one day and realized it. Of course, I was conflicted by my feelings. But, there wasn’t much I could do about that.”  
“And how did he react to it? Did he blush?”  
“NOSEY!” you yelled. You rolled your eyes in an exaggerated manner, flipping your middle finger at him.  
“What?” he laughed. “You don’t get to ask questions like this when you’re busy fighting off munchers and saving the world.”  
You shook your head, but you were amused by Vasiliy’s childlike curiosity. He was almost like that specific girl friend who always wanted to hear about the drama in great detail. “If you must know, he handled it the same way he handles everything else. With quiet grace and dignity.”  
“Of course he did.”  
“He refused to talk about it for a while. Until push came to shove, and then he couldn’t ignore it anymore. He had to face his own feelings. I think he was embarrassed he developed feelings so fast.”  
“Quinlan sure is one hell of a pain, but you sure know how to handle him. I know he admires that about you…” Vasiliy was quiet for a moment. “I could tell he was really beat up after what happened last week… He really does care about you. And no matter what happens, no matter how this entire thing plays out, you’ve given him the gift of love. Which is something he probably needed for a long time.”  
You looked up at the Ukranian man before you, and smiled a bit. “Don’t make me cry. I do that too much.” You both laughed. Vasiliy lifted your hand and then placed the rock in your palm. “Skip this across the pond.” He said.  
You raised your eyebrow questioningly. “What?”  
He reached down for another stone. “What? We have plenty of time to kill. And I’d just like to see if you can even properly skip a rock.”  
You laughed. “I’m pretty sure I’m better than you at this.”  
Vasiliy shrugged sarcastically. “We’ll see.”  
The afternoon was bright and for a while, your life didn’t seem so dark. You appreciated little moments like these. Soon, you both would have to head back and face the events of the night. But until then, you let the breeze caress your hair and tickle your face. A good friend was with you and your love would be waiting for your return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I wanted to be a bit lighter since the last two chapters were pretty deep. Vasiliy is so wonderful. He needs all the love in the world! I'm trying to outline some things and gather more ideas in order to take this story further. So thank you guys so much for all of your patience as this continues! :) Take care! Lots of love!!  
> Also, hopefully someone caught the parallel between the reader and Louisa (Quinlan's last love). ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter. I look forward to continuing this story and seeing how it goes! More to come! Thank you! :)


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